Monday, June 11, 2007
“Why are we doing this?”
“Well it’s a warm sunny day and I thought a picnic lunch would be romantic actually. See, I figured I’d soften you up with white chocolate chip cookies and then see if you’ll let me kiss you today thought in hind sight warm sunshine and chocolates are not a good combination.”
I looked at him and chuckled at his response. “That’s not what I meant.” Leaning to him I kissed his temple and wrapped my arms around him tightly. “I miss you.”
“I miss you too. This separation has not been easy for me either but it can’t be helped right now.” Wrapping his arms around me he lightly rubbed my back and kissed the top of my head.
I started to feel myself get a little angry but I didn’t dare express it. He didn’t have to be away, he chose to be away from me. Since he left I found myself feeling completely lost and constantly getting myself into awkward situations I would have never had to deal with if he was there. I knew it was my fault for getting into trouble all the time but I was still angry at him. I just pressed my face against his neck as I held him as I tried to push the bitter feelings away before he could see them.
“I’m tired of these every other month visits. It makes my heart ache. I hate it.” I think I sounded angrier than I meant to.
“I’m sorry. You know you don’t have to wait for me. I just want you know that you are happy.” Brodie lifted my face and kissed my lips gently. “I’m not sure I’ll ever return to adventuring like we used to do.”
Exaggerating a frown at him I replied, “Yeah, like your kiss makes me wanna run for the hills.”
“You think it’s easy for me to hear of you with these other men?” Now he sounded a little angry.
I looked down at my knees feeling a little ashamed at my selfishness. I had gone back to dating a little more than I had admitted to him but I have always been pretty shabby at keeping things from him for a thief. I wanted him to know everything about me. Besides, my idea of a great date usually ended with picking the entrails of some beast off my mantel, nothing that made me feel like I was really moving on from this waiting game. He was always in the back of my mind.
Pushing a wisp of red hair away from my face he sighed deeply. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for that to sound like that. I mean it when I said I’m happy if you’re happy. Forgive me?”
He always let me walk all over him. He was not wrong to be sad. He was a solid as a rock paladin known for his immovable strength and I made him mushy and vulnerable. He had strange effects on me too though. Normally selfish, dodgy, and always consumed with a need to run he made me want to give everything to his happiness and with him I felt content.
“I just want to be with you.” I said softly without looking up at him.
Pulling me in close to him he offered me a melty cookie. “Me too Alison, me too.”