Thursday, June 28, 2007
One, Two, Three, Four. Yep, still four beams. All just like before. Straight and perfect. Aged yet so strong.
Why was I counting beams? How do I know how many there should be? What are beams for anyways and who gave them that funny name? Do they actually have a purpose besides being pretty? Do I?
This is my room I think but I’m pretty sure I’m dreaming. Feels like dreaming. Very quiet and I feel odd. I feel sad. I don’t think I want to be here. Maybe I should close my eyes again.
“You look a lot better.” A man said. “Your face is pink again. You looked almost dead for a couple of days.” He paused for a few moments. “Alison, I’m sorry.”
“Why sorry?” I thought. I was reluctant to come out of my head but curiosity won and I lifted up to see blankets then a man sitting on a stool near the foot of my bed.
“Beldin.” I said aloud. My mind painfully began to realign and I remembered. I remembered everything. Tears welled up and threatened to spill down my cheeks. I wanted to go back to counting beams and I laid back.
Reaching out he took hold of my hand and squeezed it. Gasping for air I began to sob without even thinking of the reason why. I just hurt. Everywhere, everyhow, hurt. Pulling me up he held me close and let me tremble and cry out while I let it go. It flowed from me like an avalanche. Rolling, and crushing, and pounding emotion making my whole frame shake. I’m not sure how long it went on but it blinded me from anything going on around me.
Then the peace came and I gasped and caught my breath letting it enfold me. I just breathed and enjoyed the warm cocoon of arms around me. I realized as I calmed that I wasn’t alone. I looked up and Beldin kissed my soggy eyes. All around me my friends had gathered. More than I even realized I had, gathered in a group hug around my bed.
I think that was the moment I realized my greatest strength. My friends who never failed to rally around in times of need. I had no more doubt that things were going to be ok somehow. Not the same, maybe not even as good, but ok. With them I would never feel alone and together we would do our best to make things right no matter what.