The world was reborn, and so were we.
The gods, in their wisdom, had collapsed existence and in
one great clap of energy, reformed everything at once. Or so it was said.
What resulted was confusion. In my core, I remembered an
image of myself, but when I looked at my reflection, the tall, slender,
confident Elvann was replaced by someone small, cat-like, Miqo’te and feral.
The world was different too, but familiar. Water, sky,
plants and earth. Buildings filled the cities with the appearance of being there
for centuries. It was a ready-made habitat for the pets of the gods, or so it
felt to me. Most adapted cheerfully. Some didn’t seem to even notice. I
remembered and mourned.
Everyone had a new appearance, some more so than others. Cid
was still identifiable as Cid and his same self at the core. Some, like me,
were unidentifiable as the woman I had been before, except for my voice. It was
still mine and rang familiar in my new furry ears.
I couldn’t find my friends after the rebirth. The loss was
crushing and changed me. I made new friends, but they came and went. I’d become
distant and distracted; trapped by the past.
I came to be renamed. One cheery Hyur said I was his light
in the night and called me Luna. I spent time adventuring with him as his
healer. His optimism and kindness drew me like a moth to light and he didn’t
mind my catlike wariness at first. I didn’t feel like my old self anymore, so I
took this nickname as my new name. Even after he had gone, I held on to the
memory of my first new friend.
I refined the art of healing that I started before the
rebirth. It felt natural and right. Each time I healed pain, it felt like I was
pulling my pieces back together with a force like gravity, even if only for a
short time. I admit it felt a little selfishly motivated, but it gave me a way
to fit into this new world.
I started crafting for the income I needed to purchase what
I wanted. I still couldn’t cook much more than the basics, but I found that I
enjoyed carpentry, metalwork, sewing and lapidary. Gathering materials was
something I could do solo, without the need of a companion, and allowed me time
to think and enjoy the echos of my assault against this new world. My little
protest to change by chipping away at this place and felling the trees, one at
a time.
My inability to cook for myself is what brought me to a food
vender the day everything changed. I was ordering when I froze. Then my ear
twitched and my hair stood on end. I listened again without turning. My hands
on the counter held my knees from buckling.
“Alison?” I heard again.
I didn’t move at first. That wasn’t my name anymore. I was
processing and preparing myself to turn and look, preparing myself to appear casual
when I inevitably spun around and found nothing, but I thought I heard Gurok
calling my abandoned name.
I had searched for him for years, never stopped, to be
honest, but had stopped breaking myself over the hope, after a decade of
scanning crowds and wandering in the woods, that I might see him looking back
at me.
I steeled myself and peered over my shoulder as casually as
I could muster for fear that I was imagining the voice. I had to crane my neck
up to meet his gaze. Lavender eyes were scrutinizing my face; Alison wasn’t
there to be seen. His eyes were electric, luminous and a bit terrifying. I was
looking into the face of one of the Xaela Au Ra, speculated to be half dragons. They
had come about with the rebirth. He was impossibly tall, dark as coal and
horned.
He stood a bit back, likely aware of how his appearance made
people feel or maybe a bit apprehensive himself. He spoke again, “I heard you
talking, I know your voice.”
“I know you too.” My voice quivered. The world spun and I sprung
up to hug around his neck. I had to wrap my legs and tail around his waist
because my feet couldn’t reach the ground even as he stooped to catch me. I
took quick gasp and a sob shook my body before I trapped it back in and held my
breath.
I became quickly aware how he radiated the unusually high heat
of his race. He smelled wrong. Gurok was coal, seasoned leather and iron. This
body smelled delicious, but was a stranger to me. I squeezed my eyes shut against
his unfamiliar appearance because he sounded like a miracle and I didn’t want
to lose this feeling. He found me. His leathery arms held tightly around me
like he had no intention of losing me ever again.
“Please, say anything.” My plea was muffled into his neck as
I held tight. I wanted to hear it again and know that he was really in there.
“I’ve been looking for you.” He said.
I let out a short hysterical laugh. “Me too.”
I was becoming aware that the market had gone quiet and
everyone had stopped to watch the drama unfold. I know I was not the only one
who had lost people and a tear running down the face of a smiling woman nearby
let me know she understood.
“I have friends that I want you to meet. They’ve heard a lot
about you. Come home with me?” He offered. “We can talk. Are you still hungry?
I can cook.”
Home. I hadn’t stopped moving long enough to have a home
here. I had a favorite hotel room, but I never stayed there long.
I released my legs and slid down to the ground as silent as
a cat. I stared up at this strange new face and reached up with one hand to
touch his cheek, as if I needed confirmation that he wasn’t a hallucination. The
other hand held tightly to his arm so not to lose him again. I noted black scales.
His hands hadn’t left my body either, as if he shared my
anxiety about losing track of me again. He was bending over to allow my
examination with a crooked grin on his face. How was he so composed?
“It’s nice to be
touched.” He whispered. “I’ve missed you.”
“What an understatement!” my mind screamed. My fingers
locked together around his burning forearm and I took a breath. “I go where you
go.” I declared with resolve.
An involuntary purr escaped from my chest and I blushed. He
didn’t mention it, but his eyes said he noticed.
“As you wish.” He smiled warmly down at me.
My Gurok wiped my wet cheeks, put his hand over mine and we
walked. Soon we were out of the city and alone on a dirt path, away from the
curious looks.
“Where have you been?” I blurted.
He didn’t break stride, but smiled. “Everywhere.”
I don’t know what I expected to hear him say, but this
sounded true to the man I remembered.
Always busy, always battling, always working hard to be the best at
whatever he put his mind to. Maybe it was fitting that he was put into a body
with a fire reflective of his personality.
I myself was more chaotic, like water. Easily distracted,
curious about everything and willing to sit and wonder about the secret
conversations between flowers. We had more differences than similarities, but I
had been half myself without him.
“And you?” he prompted.
“Nowhere.” I said as I looked away from him and into the
trees. I had not stayed focused. I had not found a purpose. I was embarrassed
to present myself to him as the nomad I had become. “And everywhere.” I added.
He chuckled. Maybe I was being too dramatic again.
What was I supposed to say after a decade apart, new lives
and new bodies? Who was I? Who was he? What if I had anticipated all this time
just to find out we weren’t a team anymore? He had found a family and I
couldn’t keep a friend. He might not like the person I had become.
I suddenly remembered a dragonfly hunt we enjoyed in the
last days and I smiled. Oh, please, let it be okay. My grip was getting tighter
on his arm with my silent prayer.
“Time to rest.” He announced. He had led me to the edge of a
cliff looking down into a green lush valley. A steady soft breeze blew across
the mossy rocks. He sat under a wide old tree and opened a sack, producing a
package of smoked fish and an orange, which he handed to me.
I sat in the shade next to him and accepted the offering. My
stomach growled. I hadn’t finished my order this morning when this all started.
“I don’t bite.” He said with his head bowed as he tore a
mouthful of a roast sandwich. He kept his lavender eyes down as if he was
trying not to spook a scared animal.
I was crouched a respectable distance away. I remembered
sitting on the lap of a giant white hulk named Gurok a lifetime ago. It was my
favorite place to be, but this was not who I remembered.
“I do.” I muttered. I had developed more fight and bite over
the years.
He looked up and smiled. “I don’t mind. Thick hide.”
I couldn’t help but smile in return and relax a bit at the
familiarity of his humor. I rolled over and let my shoulder lean up against his.
Then I scooted over and leaned my back to him as I finished the orange. I
enjoyed his radiant warmth. I felt safer for having him here again. Maybe it
was time to let go and find a new self.
We finished lunch and sat there awhile and I enjoyed the
feeling of his breathing behind me. Timidly, I rose to a knee and he lifted his
arm, inviting me to him. I accepted and rolled down onto his cross-legged lap
as his arms caught me into a cocoon of dark scales and black armor. It was not
the same and for a moment, I was unsure.
He started talking and that was the same. I closed my eyes
and relaxed into the music of his voice. He told me about the people I would
meet tonight, if I wanted to. Each of his friends by name and what they were
like. He went on about the big house
they shared and the plans for renovation. He talked about upcoming quests and
the part I could play.
We had walked the whole way, when we could have traveled
much faster by flying or teleport, but I understood the wisdom. I had been spooked, but the more I heard that
familiar voice, the more I was returning to myself and trust was filing me with
confidence. He knew me so well. Maybe I hadn’t changed as much as I thought.
A new chapter was beginning and with him. Hope stirred to life. A new dawn was rising, and I was ready.
