I inspected myself in the reflection of a still lake and
wondered what he saw. He had fallen in love with a tall Elvann with dramatic
red hair, strong slender limbs and a fearless bravado.
I was examining a Miqo’te, Keeper of the Moon, who was
small, even for her race. Unremarkable light sandy brown hair framed large,
mismatched eyes and fell loose around shoulders devoid of braids or ornament.
One eye blue, one green, was largely unnoticed as most people didn’t look that
closely at me. Pale skin, begged to blend in with white streaks, like fog
creeping across my downy feline skin. My face was marred on one cheek by a long
scar, acquired early in my new life.
He loved a voice belonging to a ghost. That woman was gone,
lost in a world that wasn’t coming back. Could I keep him? Could I go back to
being solitary if he left after longing to find him for so many years? I had
hinged so much of my peace on finding him.
“Almost there.” He flashed a toothy forced smile at me and slipped
his hand around mine. “Ready?”
I peered up and studied his face. Was he nervous too?
I had gotten lost in my own head and he caught me staring
blankly into the water, but getting a little sidetracked by a beautiful view
was nothing new for me, and he didn’t question it, but I wondered if he too was
growing annoyed. Ragenarrok wouldn’t be alone if he grew tired of my distracted
behavior. I let out a little shiver and walked on.
We soon entered a neighborhood full of large well-manicured
homes nestled between tall snow-dusted evergreens. The air smelled fresh and
crisp with a chill breeze that lifted my hair. He led me on, hand and hand, until
we stopped in front of our destination. Looking down at me with a wide genuine smile
and bright eyes he told me we had arrived. Excitement to introduce me to his
friends made him almost bubbly and I couldn’t help but smile to see him so
happy.
As we stood at the gate I craned my neck up at the big
house. A warm pink glow from the setting sun made this place look magical and I
could smell a hearth fire burning.
We had walked and talked the long distance all day by foot
and now we were here. I squeezed his callous hand, a bit nervous about making a
good first impression with his friends, which is not something I did well
lately. My tendency towards isolation and wandering had made me reserved and
inward in a way that was off-putting to most.
The front door burst open and a tall beautiful Viera woman
came out with long strides and open arms. “Rage! You’re finally here!” She hugged him and captured my hand. “He’s
talked about you for years. He told us you were coming and I have waited
absolutely forever to meet you. I’m Kelma and I’m so glad you’re here. I was
starting to worry that Grumpy Pants had finally lost his mind and was seeing
ghosts, but here you are!”
“Hello Kelma, I’m Luna.” I said with wide eyes as I took her
energy in and embraced an enthusiastic hug, warm cheek to mine. Her clothes
were gorgeous, not a hair was out of place and she moved with incredible grace
for someone so tall.
Kelma froze for a moment, still holding my shoulders. “OH!
Oooh. oh… hello.” She looked a little confused and looked at Rage over my
shoulder as she held me.
“It’s her reborn name.” he explained.
Kelma visibly exhaled with a steamy cloud of breath into the
chilly air. “Oh, thank Gods. I thought I was mistaken about who was coming to
dinner.”
“Im so sorry, you can call me either name” I said as she let
me go and took in my face. They are both me.
“You say Luna and I love it. Come inside. The boys are
waiting, and I heard you like hot cocoa. They said it would be rude to rush
you, but I said that’s nonsense.”
Kelma took me by the arm and led me inside to the main
foyer. The room was huge and the ceilings high enough for even for the tallest
person to stretch without coming near it. Staircases lead upstairs and down.
I spent the next few hours meeting everyone who could join
the party that night. Laughter was plentiful and food abundant and delicious.
Some of the most skilled and talented people I had ever met were part of this
family and I found it easy to relax and enjoy the company in the warm
comfortable home. I hoped this was the start of something beautiful and I
strained to keep up with conversations and memorize names to faces.
Ragenarrok carried me to bed when I dozed off in the late
hours to the cheerful chatter of my new friends discussing the latest fashion
trend and rare crafting materials. I woke as he lifted, but just smiled
comfortably and rolled my face to the warmth of his chest, taking in his new
smell. He laid me down on a bed in his private chambers at the free company
house and not long after I curled up on my side and bundled a lump of blankets
against my chest, I was asleep again. Exhaustion from an emotional day combined
with the security of knowing I was under the care of his watchful eye made
sleep come easy.
When I woke, it was still dark through the window, but a
single scented oil lamp was lit to cast a bit of light over Ragenarrok and
added the pleasant fragrance of spices and orange peel. I could hear quill to
paper scratching away before I opened my eyes. Rage was sitting on a cushion on
the floor near the bed enthralled in a notebook. His back was resting on the
wall, his body angled towards the door, as if he was anticipating company. The
clock said nearly 3am.
I watched him awhile before he looked up and saw me watching
him. I smiled as he met my eyes. “Trouble sleeping?” I asked. I felt a little
guilty realizing he might not be sleeping because he had given his bed to me.
“I always have trouble sleeping.” He said in a hushed voice and
smiled softly. “Need anything?”
“Never again.” I stretched my legs out and flexed my toes
before putting feet to the chilly wood floor to take the two short steps to
him. “I have you back.”
He set the notebook and quill down and reached an arm up to
receive me, knowing I was about to occupy his lap. “What are you writing.”
“Tonight, it’s my daily record. It helps me relax to write.
Sometimes its notes about crafting or planning a quest, but every once in a
while, it’s just a fictional story.”
“Can you read it to me?”
“Not ready yet,” he smiled sliding the notebook under a
cabinet as my eyes followed it.
My eyes went back to his, “Why do they call you Rage?”
“Short for my registered adventurer name.”
I raised my eyebrows in doubt.
“Kelma says I can sometimes get a little angry. I suppose I
do get impatient. Possibly short tempered. I just want to get things done right.”
His mouth had tightened and I was worried about my mighty guardian.
I had always been the one to help him slow down when his
mind started moving too fast. My heart sank. He looked so composed yesterday
that I thought I had been the only one a mess and he had carried on fine
without me, but I could see tired creases in his face now that told a different
reality.
I laid my cheek to his chest and listened to his strong
heart. His arms came around me tighter and his face rested on the top of my
head. I felt a tear hit the crown of my head, though it was the only indication
that his emotions were spilling over.
“I didn’t give up, but I was beginning to wonder if I was
somehow being punished or had failed to protect you and you were lost to me. It
was hard not to imagine the worst. I got angry. Breaking things that needed
breaking helped vent it, but the hole in me where you used to be wouldn’t heal.”
Wrapping my arms around his ribs, I held and felt his deep
breaths. “I’m here now as long as you want me to stay, and even then, much
longer to be sure. I want to hear about everything that’s happened since before.”
“That is too long a story for tonight and you should be
asleep.”
I let the silence hang in the air awhile as I thought about everything
like an end-of-life flashback. Ragenarrok was slowly stroking my back, head
still resting lightly on mine as I felt his slow deep breaths. Pondering what
he was thinking, I made guesses in vain before sighing deeply and giving up.
“Sleep next to me?” I asked timidly.
“As you wish.” He said before he bundled me back up in his
arms and stood to carry me to bed.
By the time we fell into a deep asleep, the warm morning
light was starting to glow at the frosty window, but it arrived unnoticed.
Exhaustion from the last 24 hours had caught up to us and we would not be
stirred.
Ragenarrok held me close to his chest as if he was afraid to
close his eyes unless he knew I would still be there when he woke. I was
content encircled in his radiating warmth and at peace, feeling safer than I
had since I had arrived in this body.
I had always asked him to be the rock to my rapids and I was
determined that this time, I would be the strength for him that he had always been
for me. How I would do that was a question for another day.
